Do You Wish to Have a Friendship With Your Partner Like the One You Have With Your Best Friend? ~ You Are Genius

Have you ever wished that your relationship with your partner will be at a similar level of friendship like the one you have with your closest friend? That with him you would be able to talk about everything in the open, like really two soul-mates? Hellas, this is often not the case. And when you attempt to bring your relationship with him to such a level (after all, what isintimacy if not just that?) you are often being rejected for your attempts and "ideas".

You then think to yourself "I wish things would have been different". After all, why can you have a close bond with your closest friend, but not as close a bond or even closer with your partner (albeit on another level)?

Attempting to understand and rationalize your situation

Do differences between men and women play a part here? Or does it also relate to the different ways you and your partner have been brought up? Attempting to understand the situation; to clarify "the reasons behind"; to explanation and rationalize might provide some explanation. But this might not be of a comfort to you.

Yet, wouldn't it be nice ("nice" is actually not the appropriate word here. A better could be: "wonderful", "magnificent", "superb") to have a truly open communication with your partner? A truly authentic and off-guarded exchange of thoughts, emotions and ideas? A valuable conversation in which the two of you allow yourself - and each other - to openly discuss whatever issues you are dealing with, whatever there is on your mind, both "negative" and "positive" feelings and thoughts, without being reprimanded, scorned or ridiculed?

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to relate to your intimate partner as the closest friend you have ever had? One with whom you dare to be yourself; one with whom you can bare your soul; one with whom you can be what you really are?

What does a true intimacy mean to you?

It will indeed be great to have such a connection, such an intimacy. But no two people are alike, and a true intimacy means, getting to know each other intimately; getting to compromise; to accept each other's point of view and perception of reality. Developing a truly intimate relationship might bear different connotations for different people: does it mean having dream-like sex? Unending conversations? Does it mean crying together? Sharing whatever there is to share - the bad as well as the good? Does a "great intimacy" mean becoming one? Being able to read each other's mind and thoughts? Having a telepathic communication?

What is important is that you try to develop with your partner an intimacy which you feel is the best intimacy you can strive for. That you feel good about whatever it is that you develop together. That you feel you are doing the best in developing such intimacy, and you trust your partner that he/she does the best as well. Trusting one another is, after all, an essential ingredient of true intimacy.

And as you proceed with your relationship, keep in mind that since no two people are the same, you can't always expect your partner to wish for exactly the same intimacy that you cherish. Also keep in mind that whichever bond you might have with your closest friend doesn't necessarily mean you need to have the same with your partner.

Reflecting about your experiences with intimacy

As you take the time to reflect about your past and present experiences with partner(s), you will be able to get a handle on whatever it is that is really important for you to have with your partner - present or future.

Such self-reflection will no doubt enable you to eventually develop the intimacy you are looking for (if you don't yet have it). Self-knowledge and self-reflection are vital in your search for a wonderful intimacy.

Doron Gil, Ph.D., a Self-Awareness and Relationships Expert, is a university teacher, workshop leader, counselor and consultant. He has lectured widely on these and related topics at conferences world-wide, taught classes to students, gave workshops to parents and administrators and is the author of: "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship. Available as e-book and paperback: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Awareness-Guide-Successful-Intimate-Relationship/dp/143925141X/

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